So, this week, we're looking at our favorite holy men, in preparation for viewing the crazy looking actioner Priest. I hope the Judge Dredd vibe from the trailers carries through the film.
5. Father Vito Cornelius (The Fifth Element): He knows some pretty big secrets, and might just be able to save the world. If only he can get a bunch wacky people to work together for five minutes.
4. Junbao (Tai Chi Master): This young monk may loose his mind when his friend betrays him, but it’s OK. Some elemental wisdom and a little help from his friends will re-forge him into a fantastic warrior.
3. Padre Cortez (Machete): Vows are all fine and dandy. But when the crap hits the fan, the good Padre is ready to hit back.
2. Brother Cadfael (Cadfael): This wise and gentle old man uses evidence and logic to solve problems during a time when those things were less than fashionable. And he has iron in him. He wasn’t always a holy man.
1. Father McGruder (Dead Alive): When hoards of undead are attacking your pleasant little neighborhood, I hope you’re lucky enough to have a guy like Father McGruder on your side.
Standing in line at the movie theater this weekend, which of the two new studio releases are you going to lay down your hard-earned cash on: Bridesmaids or Priest? We hear at ITMOD are definitely gonna go with the man who kicks ass for the lord...even it does come from the director of the so-so Legion.
Cinema has a long tradition of butt-kicking holy men and I found it extremely difficult to trim this list down to just five rockin' priests. But after some significant twisting of the arm, I whittled it down to:
5. Preacher (Pale Rider): Under siege from a greedy & viscous landowner, a group of prospectors find hope in the form of a ghostly preacher who delivers hope on horseback with a fistful of bullets. Clint Eastwood nearly captures the dark mystery of High Plains Drifter and gives us another hero to worship.
4. Jacob Fuller (From Dusk Till Dawn): After his wife's death, Jacob lost his faith...or turned his hatred towards his faith and left the church. But thanks to a couple of violent kidnappers and a Mexican Strip Club run by a horde of zombie-like vampires, Jacob rediscovers his religion and uses his Jesus Abilities to concoct some Holy Hand Grenades outta murky tap water and backstocked condoms. A good man to have in a monster fight.
3. Detective Thomas Dagget (The Prophecy): Another fallen priest, Thomas Dagget left the church after a vision of angels warring in Heaven. What's his back-up profession? L.A.P.D. Okay, sure, but when angelic corpses start popping up all over the city, Detective Dagget re-joins God's Army to battle Viggo Mortensen's Lucifer as well as Christopher Walken's supreme badass archangel Gabriel. After TMNT's Casey Jones, Dagget is Elias Koteas' masterwork.
2. Priest (Super Fly & Super Fly TNT): Maybe Ron O'Neal actually ain't no holy man but he's certainly the coolest playa to ever be named Priest. Fighting the man as best he can (i.e. dealing and snorting coke as fast as humanly possibly), Priest doesn't really come into his butt-kicking own until the sequel when he gets his conscience stirred by some African Rebels and helps them overthrow a corrupt government. So, steal the soundtrack from the first film and the plot from the second and you've got one cool cat.
1. Father Merrin (The Exorcist): Part of me wanted to avoid The Exorcist all together, or retitle this A Fistful of Priests That Aren't Father Merrin Cuz Obviously He's The Most Kick-Ass Priest, but that's not really a catchy header is it? And besides, You Just Have To Put Father Merrin At The Top of your Fistful of Priests list and if Matt chooses to ignore the great Max Von Sydow than For Shame, Sir!
