A Fistful of Heroic Kids! (Brad's Picks)

For my Fistful of Heroic Kids I decided to focus solely on the 1980s, the decade of my youth in which I discovered my love for all things dorky and weird just like the kiddie adventures of Super 8.  

5.  Glen, Terry, Linda, and Lori (The Gate):  Digging up my backyard as a youth I thought I found  the skull of a Tyrannosaurus Rex, but as the a-hole kid next door told me it was just a big stupid rock.  Well, I guess I should have cracked it open with a hammer cuz it might have unleashed a gateway to hell and I coulda had a whole mess of adventures like little Stephen Dorf & Co did here in The Gate!   Kiddie Dorf is probably the closest cinema has come to depicting Kiddie Me and I had at least one buddy who resembled satanic researcher Terry.  If you haven't seen The Gate now is the time.  Fun PG Horror with plenty of great Stop Motion creatures to keep you interested.

4.  Alex Rogan (The Last Starfighter):  In 1984 I was five years old.  It was one of the clearest early theatrical experiences burned into my brain.  I remember watching Alex Rogan and thinking, man, I can't wait till one day I'm discovered by Starfighter Aliens thanks to my mad arcade skills.  Sadly, Centauri never pulled up in his space car, I never met the lizard warrior named Grig, and I had to languish in the trailer park of oridnary existence for far too long.  Still, I try to keep up on my video games cuz you never know who's watching.

3.  Ben, Darren, & Wolfgang (Explorers):  As much as Super 8 is a Spielberg lovefest, the film it really reminded me of was Joe Dante's classic sci-fi wish fulfillment flick Explorers.  Like all these films on this week's Fistful, I really really really wanted to be part of the gang.  I wanted to hang out with Ethan Hawke and River Pheonix and build a spaceship outta scrap metal.  I wanted to travel to the stars and discover wild, alien life.  I wanted to confuse and frustrate Dick Miller's helicopter pilot.  Loads of fun, Explorers just doesn't get talked about enough.  It's perfect.

2.  Mikey, Brand, Chunk, Mouth, Data, Andy, Stef, and Sloth (The Goonies):  It's such an obvious choice that I almost didn't put it on the list.  But you just can't deny The Goonies when you're talking about great kid adventure films.  I'm not going to babble on about this classic, I'm just gonna say I love The Goonies the way Sloth Loves Chunk and the way Chunk Loves Sloth.  Eternal.

1.  Sean, Patrick, Fat Kid, Rudy, Phoebe, Eugene, Frank, Pete, and Scary German Guy (The Monster Squad):  No, I'm not being subversive by placing The Monster Squad above The Goonies.  As much as I love those treasure hunters, I've always connected to these horrorhounds and they really are just more badass.  When Dracula, his dynamite, The Creature, The Mummy, The Wolf Man, and Frankenstein's Monster set loose upon a small town it's up to these fool hearty but properly educated kids to complete Van Helsing's revenge.  And I just love how extreme this film is for PG-13.  Squibs and Limbs and plenty of Cursing...and yes, The Wolf Man Has Nards!  If you haven't seen it, get to it, and complete your childhood.

--Brad

A Fistful of Heroic Kids! (Matt's Picks)

Mint!

With the release of this weeks Kid Adventure film, Super 8, which harkens back to so many movies of the 80s, we at In the Mouth of Dorkness wanted to give you some of our favorite kid adventurers. 

I know kung fu.

5.  The Gang from Space Camp:  These kids live the adventure I dreamed of all through my youth.  Going to space was almost all I could think of for years. 

4.  Sarah from Labyrinth:  Her fantasy world becomes her reality, and she’s forced to learn what’s really important, but Sarah is up to the challenge. 

3.  Juni and Carmen Cortez from Spy Kids:  These two spirited kids know a thing or two about saving the world, even when dealing with life’s most awkward moments. 

2.  Billy Batson from The Adventures of Captain Marvel:  This plucky young kid not only becomes the brawny superman Captain Marvel (SHAZAM!), but he’s plenty adventurous in his normal life, too. 

1.  Hogarth Hughes from The Iron Giant:  He’s a kid a lot like myself as a boy, kind of living in his own head and not knowing where to go or what to do (and living in Maine).  When he befriends a giant robot from space, he finds a purpose in life and makes some friends along the way. 

-Matt

A Fistful of Bad Kids (Brad's Picks)!

A little late on my Fistful of Bad Kids, but here ya go.  And I really can't wait to see Hanna but I'm gonna have to get through the work-filled weekend.

5.  Warren (Smokin' Aces):  Don't be eyeballin' Warren cuz he will mess you up with some serious and um, exciting Kung Fu grip.

4.  Karen Cooper (Night of the Living Dead):  Yeah, she's a little sick.  But best keep her away from your garden tools.

3.  Scut Farcus (A Christmas Story):  HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!  HE HAS YELLOW EYES!!!  Pure evil, man.

2.  Gage Creed (Pet Sematary):  He was pretty naughty darting in front of that mack truck, but once he got resurrected...well, to this day I can't step off my bed without worrying some blonde boy is gonna slice my Achilles tendon with a scalpel.  Utterly terrifying.

1.  The Feral Kid (Road Warrior):  Mighty handy with a bladed boomerang, The Feral Kid strikes quickly and vanishes even quicker via his underground tunnel network.  Even if Mad Max never showed up, once The Feral Kid hit puberty The Lord Humungus would have had some serious, snarling trouble.  That kid is baaaad.

--Brad

A Fistful of Bad Kids (Matt's Picks)

With the release of Hanna, we here at In the Mouth of Dorkness have come up with our lists of favorite trouble(d) kids. 

5.  Mathilda (Leon: The Professional):  When her family is done in, this young girl doesn’t stay down for long.  She teams up with a nice-guy hitman to battle corrupt cops and other naughty people.

4.  Baby Selwyn (Dead Alive):  Hyperactive!

3.  Jeliza-Rose (Tideland):  Somehow, this young girl thrust into a mad world far beyond her control manages not only to survive one surreal upset after another, but thrive and eventually triumph. Forget Alice. 

2. Hit Girl (Kick-Ass):  Sure, she was brainwashed by her vigilante dad, but she sure killed a LOT of people and seemed to enjoy almost every minute of it.

1.  Tim (Phantasm III):  This kid would have changed everything in Home Alone.  He knows how to really deal with home invasion.  One of the few kid characters from film that I’d want at my side when the world is coming to an end, killer spheres are looking for me, and dwarfs from a red planet are hiding in the shadows.

-Matt